The do’s of the Bible seem endless. My own struggle in attempting to be a doer of the Word appeared endless too. Here begins the telling of the slow but, thank God, sure process of my discovering how to finally get freedom in this area.
My sharing about this will likely develop slowly. God knows the liberating revelation came slowly enough. It took years. I honestly thought my struggle would never end. In my frustration I remember telling my husband that I wanted written on my tombstone: “She tried, but she couldn’t do it”. It may sound funny now but I meant it from the depths of my tormented soul. It was my way of saying that no matter how hard I tried or how badly I wanted to do the right thing and be pleasing to God, I failed miserably and never saw it being any different.
At one very low point I was mercifully led to Isaiah 54. Much in that chapter has made it a life-long, almost prophetic voice tailored just for me. At that time though I simply identified with the one described in verse 11 as “O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted”. I was afflicted. I felt like a battered ship in a never-ending storm of frustration and condemnation, and truly I found no comfort from the torment.
Yes, I identified perfectly. But that was not where the verse ended. The tormented soul being addressed in Isaiah is given a startling promise as God goes on to declare, “In righteousness you will be established”. I could fully relate to the despair, but in my wildest hopes and dreams could in no way envision the deliverance. Nevertheless, I was fascinated by these words from God. They described me exactly.
My circumstances had brought me to my knees agonizing before God, ashamed and fearful. I was terrified for fear of exposure. In this condition I was led to Isaiah 54:4.
“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced…“
In one miraculous moment I received a taste of the Father’s great mercy. A glimmer of peace and calm came amid my desperation. At that point I could never have dreamed for more. I was relieved of a burden impossible to carry.
I was thankful beyond description for forgiveness, I could not hope for freedom.
I was grateful beyond words for relief. How could I dream of righteousness?
Your word study is amazing to read 🙂
I constantly struggle with the same. It helps so much to read of someone going through the same. Your honesty is comforting and very much guidance.
When I came across Hebrews 12:11 ” Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous,but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”
It helped beyond words.
It helps to know that some of what we go through is a removal of what God no longer wants to see in us. Whenever I think of it in those terms it seems less painful.